NepalHUB

Night around 9pm, all dark everywhere, he shouted, Rose!!!!, and came through the little corridor and came to lounge, he saw the table full of meals and nice smell everywhere, but he seemed to be curious about something else, he shouted again, Rose!!! He stood just by the table and looked into dark, I walked towards him, he saw me in dim light almost dark. I cant differentiate really, he surprised or shocked or what, he opened his eyes so widely, I smiled on him and said, how am i? yes, I got to ask the question because, I was changed after he saw me last time, I had very nice figure, lovely curves over my chest and waist. I was on sleeveless one piece tight dress and my hands and legs all shaved, looking so attractive. I curled my hair upto neck and left a bit of hair over my forehead which I tried to get rid of with shook of head while I welcomed him. my hands were full of modernised bangles and high heeled shoes showing me very proudy and personality. I took one cigarette out of the packet on the table and asked, how was ur trip after I realised that he didn’t show any interest on my first question.

He took long and deep breath and wasn’t so hurry to have complete look on me neither he was showing any interest what I was talking about, told, you are changed really, and you are changed I guess, till the point I couldn’t touch you. Its my turn to be surprised, I went near by him put my arm around his neck and asked, I am not dieing for sex at this time, but I realised I really need to take care of myself and I got to, that’s why I changed and after all I am only yours, I never can have any other man into my life, more than that, I cant bear…….. and he said, I am really hungry, can we continue the chat after meal, I didn’t say anything, he sat down and I started serving the meal. He was leaning towards plate and having meal like he was been hungry for months and he hasn’t been eating anything for a long time. I was feeling so silly to lose this man for three months and looking at him as I am looking at myself. He offered sweets at last of the meals and I just had a taste and said, no I am ok, I am on diet.

We had a all night chat after long time, he told me about his trip and I told about my struggling for the figure but he didn’t show any interest and I didn’t ask much. Next day, he started going to work again but I had already left the work so I got do nothing in home, I joined the club in the society and started doing social works. Go to club, go for night parties, cook for him, and make him happy these all come to my daily routine now. And its almost more than a month he never offered me for bed job again, I got so confused, shall I ask again or not. I went to mum and asked for solution this time, mum didn’t want my life get into vein, so she tried her best to teach me. but I know my mum wasn’t also good player for that otherwise my father would never go separated from her. Anyway, she taught me lots of ideas and I was going to apply them in my life. I asked him one night for the appropriate time for bed job.

He was not so surprised on my question but become so emotional and told me, I know, I am not giving you enough happiness you want and I know every woman can have some dream about family life but………I don’t know, why I cant help you in such a situation as I cant say I am gay as I had slept with lots of girls and those girls want to come and join me even today but……… since I see you and say meet you, the think of sex is completely gone from my mind, none of girls can attract me like before, it was like magic for my life, I suppose I could give you all happiness of this world, one time I thought I had given you but it was my illusion, I thought I got a life fren that I was searching for but it was wrong, all we need in life is not only mental but physical relationship , I knew now, we cannot be happy with each other if I didn’t give you that happiness that you want. I know u did a lot to possess your asset and support your right which you have to get without any effort, I am sorry and I try my best to keep your smile, ur happiness.

He went then after and turned back once he reached to door and said, tomorrow we will have fun, a great fun. I was watching him outside, didn’t stop, I couldn’t think, what shall I do for my happiness. It wasn’t that I need only physical satisfaction from him and never thought like that as well. It was me who stopped him to reach me one day and it was me again to drag him to reach me now. I was hitting my mind, couldn’t stop myself thinking about those stuffs. I suppose, I would not force him, if he cant give any physical satisfaction. But no… no I need child, I need to be woman, I never knew how the person feels after she proves herself being a female creature in the world. Its not my thirst for man but its my right and its my challenge for life. I turned him into such infertile behaviour and I have to change him again. I would not be happy if I cant possess him in my life. I have to die one day and without knowing that how much I was happy in my life….oh god… give me power to bear it. Lets hope for next day, that’s all my mind said to me that time.

The next day, I welcomed with smile, feeling so special for night and feeling so strange what I have to do next. I waited all day for him to come back from work. Day passed calling darkness to come around and it was dim light everywhere in home. I made special food for him and put on the table. I waited for him , put some nice music and smiled time to time on myself. I didn’t prepare anything as for last time cause it didn’t work. I was expecting to get the job done not like, we have to do but like we do, automatically, if he didn’t start or whatever, I made my mind, I wont worry. I sat in chair nearby table and looked at watch, it was only ten minutes to go. I waited for expected happiness and some nice time after long time. Ten mins gone and next ten mins, but he didn’t come, and again next ten mins, but still he didn’t come. It was out of my control, I want bearing distance between him and myself, I was restless and started walking up and down in the corridor. I looked outside for several times and couldn’t get anyone there.

Lasty I picked the phone and dialled his office, nobody picked the phone for first time, I redialled again, and a lovely nice lady’s voice stroke in my ear, hello, good evening, how can I help you? I firmly asked, can I speak to Joe, senior lecturer, she answered so softly, sorry mam, he was already gone two hours ago…….what???? Shocking for first time after he come back. What did you say, I am his wife……. She spoke in same voice, oh I am sorry mam, I cant say where is he gone then. I dropped the phone like I will break it. stupid,, stupid stupid me,, I wish I never spoken to him about the sex,, oh my goodness, is that the cause he was away from me in this moment. Oh no,, ummm, I looked at the table full of meal and looked at watch, it was almost 8:30pm and he want in home, but still I had hope he will come back. I went to bedroom, looked at mirror.

I was really attractive girl or say lady yes, I was, beautiful eyes with blue lens, purple Arabian pearls’ earring, white neck with small purple necklace, attractive body figure with purple night gown and hands with purple bangles, purple day today to make him blue after seeing me……….oh my dream,, it should be overcome by reality, I turned back and forth in front of mirror, I noticed sparkling diamond over my cheeks, I felt it with my hand, it soaked my finger, yes, I was crying, all the struggle I did for him and he was away. While I was really careless about myself, he was with me and when I started taking care of my life and myself, he started making distances..is this the life, I blessed for, and is this the life I entitled for, mum………yes I remembered mum, I called her, mum was already in bed, might be snoring before but she picked the phone, oh u whats wrong now, I told her, he is not in yet………’ so…..its only 9’. I kept the receiver… I called her again around 11pm.. mum he is not in yet…….’ He might be busy in some urgent work,’ …I called her again around 2am, mum he is not in yet……’ don’t worry my child, u will be okai.. I know how u feeling, he must be trying to get rid of you…’ I called her around 5am again, he didn’t come home all night mum,,…….’ I am sorry my child, it must be my fault to give u birth in this world..’ she cried, I kept the receiver and cried.. its all my life, burden for world……….

He came around 7am and asked for tea, I made tea for him, he must be drinking all night, his eyes are red and swollen, his face was dry and so puffy.. I noticed he was full of guiltiness but I didn’t ask anything, he told me while he was about to go, I am sorry for last night, I was busy with meeting, I said, I can understand. And it became history of my life, routine history. He started vanishing in every night and come back in the morning, I didn’t speak about any physical relation then after neither he talked about it. But our relationship was no more like before now. From one of the villager, I came to know that he used to spend his all night in the night bar nearby the village doing nothing, drinking and drinking. In starting, he used to drink on his own and now, he made lots of frens to give him company. It became his habit now, he was making distance from me and I know he wont stop me to go with others but he is the one I love in my life and he is the one who taught me about love in life. I don’t know whose fault was it. I told him one day, I am going to my mum today so there won’t be anyone to make meals in the morning and evenings. He wasn’t worried but told, I know why u want to go? You take care and do whatever makes u happy..

I came to my mum’s house again, same furniture, same rooms, same lounge, kitchen, and same lane, where I never been yet. I hated that place, so cold breeze in winter and so hot in summer and so dusty. Mum welcomed me as always, she grabbed me into her embrace and told, I am sorry, I couldn’t help. I said, its not ur fault mum, it was first time I told mum, like this in my life otherwise, I used to show her so down in my life. she was out of work, useless except shout at me, I used to think like that and but it’s the last way to give me shadow in my hard time. I told her, I got to work again mum, I have to keep myself busy. She wanted to change the place for me, cause she didn’t want to show society her unluckiness. But I didn’t want. This place gave me lots of time to know about life and I didn’t want to leave it unnecessarily. I started looking for job again. Mum told me to take rest for few months but I wanted to be get busy soon. And luckily, I found the job so soon. I started work in shoe shops, as accountant.

Joe didn’t take any notice of me then after, and I didn’t bother to call him anymore. I used to write letter sometimes but I couldn’t post them but I used to squeeze the paper into small balls and put into bins. i tried to call to his office to just know about him but not to talk to him, but I came to know that, he already left the job as soon as I moved to mum’s house. I called couple of times to his flat to hear his voice but it had been sold just next day I moved, so there was no hope to meet him again. Mum was also working in few local shops, to get money and I was trying to keep myself busy with work and all the stuffs I can, I was trying to forget him, time I spent with her and all the past. I tried to have another birth as Rose again. But I was very much unsteady without his hands.

One day, mum gave me one post in my hand, it was Joe, I showed not any expressions, mum was expecting me to jump and laugh and bless her for that post but I knew, it wasn’t good post for me. yes exactly, it was divorce paper and a small chit without no greeting and wishing, just saying, for our life, we have to be apart forever.. and I didn’t cry for that, I took it and signed it. it was written in that paper that, he wanted me to come to court next Friday for completeness of the divorce job, as he wanted to do it as quickly as he can. He wanted me to be happy in my free life. I didn’t say anything to mum, went to room. Mum followed me and asked, I am so sorry, my child, at last its again u and me, I was missing your loud voices and messy habits all the time since u gone from this home. I knew it was fake she was saying to me just to make me happy, but I wasn’t child now, adult with full capacity of decision making capability. ‘ when you gonna post it back then?’ no, he didn’t give me any address, he wanted me to come to court on coming Friday and he had booked appointment for it. Friday at 3:30pm’

Friday, I wake up early, I had off in my shop that day, mum came and told me, make tea and meals for both of us, I will be back soon to go to court, u be ready by 3 okai?? I gave cool and nice smile to mum, okai,, I shook my head. I took divorce paper from the table and looked at it, this wasn’t only paper for me, its like the new chapter close in my life, that would never happen and that would never come again. I put the paper into envelope, its all closed now, I would never reopen it, I felt so heaviness inside me, went to kitchen and make coffee, took it and came to lounge, I feel so burning pain inside my heart, got to cool it down, don’t know, what to do, mum want there otherwise, I could have hugged mum till I cry and get myself soft and nice, I put the paper on the table again and went out to the lane. This lane, I ever hated to come, I never felt it my own, I would never wanted to see it and I never cleaned it. I stood in the edge of the lane, got support from the bar which was in the edge of the lane, and think, my miserable life. it made me recall all the events I had in my life, the cold breeze touched me, make me cold everywhere but not my heart, it was still burning and still………waiting for 3pm…….and waiting for mum……..waiting for new life again…………..one more miserable life……….

See I knew that this story is going to end up in divorce.... only our heroine learned a few things..... only if she had not become hypocrite... or typical nepali character... Life would have been much easy !!! But .... now that she learnt some lesson I know part II or second phase of her life will be complete different!.... that is my speculation